‘I Know You’re Trying to Help My Career But Don’t’

“Really, I know you are trying to help me, but don’t.”

Is that what you want to say to your friends, family, and even co-workers who want to “help” you in your career change?

Oh, I have to say I am a bit fired up about this topic today.

It is unbelievable what our so called friends will say and do to our careers when they think they are helping. Have you had someone ask you regularly how is your job search but then criticize you for not doing more?  (You are not in my shoes.)  Or how about this, a co-worker decides to help in a department change and moves you into a “better” position, to help you out? (Not better, since when can you read my mind.)

Note comments in ( ) would be my desired response although I would probably hold my tongue. But right, don’t we want to yell at them sometimes to stop it?

I can’t tell you how many of my clients vent about this to me. They get so frustrated by the remarks and comments that many times, I have to strategize with them, on how to handle it.

Here are some of my suggestions:

1. Be extremely polite and pick your timing, but ask them to stop asking. Tell them you will be sure to fill them in when something important has happened but for the time being let’s talk about something else.
2. Ask them to stop with the negative remarks, politely of course. They may not even realize they are being negative.
3. Be straight forward that the change they are proposing or just made was not in your best interest. Again another well-timed but candid conversation can do much to mend and fix.
4. If none of the above steps work, begin to put space between you and that person. This may be temporary but necessary. You need to have a better mind set. Their negative comments will not help you keep a good mindset and stay resilient.
5. Spend more time with people who will encourage you but not lie to you. You want people that will speak truth to you in love. By “in love” I mean that they truly care AND have your respect. You will be more likely to hear necessary criticism, from such a person. They will speak truth to you, not say everything is perfect when it isn’t. These are the ones that truly “have your back”. Important people to have in your life.
6. Become a more resilient person. See a previous post in which I discuss this important topic.

Bottom line, you will always have the naysayers in your life. It is up to you, how you handle them. Best of luck.

Lisa Adams, founder of Fresh Air Careers, is a certified career management coach and job search strategist, specializing in helping young professionals navigate the waters of their first career transition.

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