Make New Friends Mistake

#1 Mistake People Make When Trying To Meet New Friends

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If you’ve just moved to a new city, or feel the need bring a breath of fresh air to your social life, then I want to share with you a technique that I call the “join the team” technique.

Related: 9 Cheap Ways To Network In A New City

It’s a great way to quickly meet new, and interesting people. You can use it if you’ve just moved to a new city, or if you just want to make some new friends, and expand your social circle. It works particularly well if you’re an introvert or if you hesitate to go out of your way to meet new people. The counter-intuitive thing about this is that it seems like it’s going to take a lot of time, but it’s actually the opposite.

Don’t Make This Common Mistake When Trying To Meet New People

People make a common mistake when they’re trying to meet new connections and make friends. They think that they can go to places like bars and clubs to do it. They go to places where they have nothing in common with the other people.

It turns out that that’s the hard way to do it. As most people go there to meet the friends they already have, not new ones.

Friendship works in a way where you need a context or an environment, where a new friendship can emerge. You need something that brings you together, like a local community, an interest group, some sort of event, or private party.

It’s much easier that way, as people go there expecting to meet new friends.

This means that if you want to meet new friends, you need to join a local community. The problem there is that you have to remember to do it, you have to motivate yourself, even after a long day, you need to work up the courage and go out to meet people… this is why the common advice of just “join a club” doesn’t work.

However, if you apply the technique I’m about to teach you, you can make it inevitable to meet new friends, it will become a natural part of your life; you won’t need to motivate yourself to do it. Here is how…

  • Step 1: Find a one or two communities or clubs near you. Look for them on Meetup.com, Facebook groups, Eventbrite.com, or a Google search.
  • Step 2: Attend one of their events to see if the people there are the kinds of people you want as friends.
  • Step 3: Go to the person or team who organizes their meetings, introduce yourself, tell them that you like what they’re doing, and that you would love to volunteer with some help. Don’t overpromise, only commit to doing something you actually have time for.
  • Step 4: They’ll probably be glad you asked and give you something s to do. All you’ll have to do after that is show up to the events and do what you promised you’re gonna do. Again, don’t overpromise.

Here’s why this works…

  • Reason #1: If you’re hesitant about meeting new people, this will give you sort of an excuse, sort of a legitimate reason to step up and meet new folks.
  • Reason #2: If you do this, you’ll instantly be seen by the people in that community as someone who provides value, someone who is generous enough to put some of his or her time to help the community.
  • Reason #3: People are curious about who’s running the thing, who’s organizing the events… and if you’re one of the hosts, people come to you and try to get to know you. You won’t have to make a lot of effort, as people will be all around you.
  • Reason #4: Here is the magic: You know how much motivation it takes to go out of your way, and out of your comfort zone to meet new people. When you commit to helping a community, you’re set. It removes that friction from your life, you won’t need motivation to go out and meet people, you’ll just do it.

At first, you’d think that it would take a lot of time to pull this off… but it’s actually the opposite. In one event, you could meet one, two, three, or sometimes, seven interesting people. All you’re doing is investing one or two evenings per month, and in return, you’re meeting a lot more people than the average person.

Learn More

If you want to learn more techniques like this one, and have the tools to meet, connect, and make friends with the friends you want, I recommend that you get in my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

Best of luck!

-Paul Sanders

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Photo Credit: Shutterstock


Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders helps you overcome shyness and loneliness, learn critical social skills, hold great conversations, and make friends. Start here: Free Social Skills Newsletter.

4 comments

  1. There is no guarantee that a friendship will emerge even if you attempt the context and technique, right? One of the most unfortunate things is how you go out of your way to create a friendship from heart, but aren’t reciprocated. Why and how dare does this never happen as they say, “What comes around, goes around.”?

    Also, one of the worst of worst things is after you have established a connection with someone and all has been well, yet this person suddenly for no clear reason blocks you with no forewarning or reason told and is connected with others! It is the worst feeling along with one not reciprocating positive feelings back and does with others?

  2. This may be good advice for those living in a big city but for us in rural areas it just doesn’t work. There are no communities or clubs to join; there’s not even volunteer opportunities. Parties and events are private and by invitation only so there really is no way to meet people.
    I’ve went to several churches trying to find somewhere I felt comfortable but not once has anyone spoken to me; they get in their groups and talk amongst themselves, and who wants to stand there alone so I usually don’t stay around long.

  3. Aww heck yeah! This is great advice. So glad I read about Paul and his website through Careerealism. Everyone should do themselves a favor and check out Paul’s site. Seriously :-)

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