T.A.P. Q#287 – Is My Personality Ruining My Career?

There's nothing wrong with being aggressive, and some firms seek that out. You think that Wall Street bankers care about what people say about them? I'm sure they put your assertiveness to shame. However that assertiveness would not work in a hospital environment. So -- tailor your behavior to your job. Or change jobs to match your natural behavior, and you may shine even more!

It sounds as though your enthusiasm and focus on being the best you can be, either in an interview or one the job may be working against you. I am not suggesting you completely "curb your enthusiasm" during an interview or on the job but rather that you work on developing good communication sense.

High Self-expectation + Tenacity (does not) = Arrogance. On the other hand, high self-expectation + tenacity MINUS a well-developed "communication sense" might.

Communication "skills" and communication "sense" are not one in the same. Good communication skills is the foundation, underpinnings, for developing communication sense, just like knowing the functions of the pieces on the Chess board is ultimately necessary for developing strategy. Pieces do not win the match, strategy does; and perhaps that's all you need - a better strategy for "Communication Sense".

Here are some tips to help develop sound "communication sense".

1. Truism: You create a more meaningful connection by becoming interested in others than by first trying to interest others in you.
2. Do not oversell yourself: Talking to much is perceived as over-selling. Focus and listen and show the interviewer that h/she matters.
3. "Two ears, one mouth blah, blah, blah..."
4. Do not bury your listener with incidentals and unnecessary details of a situation. When showcasing your value if it is not relevant to a result, drop it!
5. Use simple language when talking with others. Do not make your listeners plow through jargon. If they recognize it they will be turned-off; if they do not they will take out a book and read.
6. Use brief anecdotes to communicate your value and strengths; keep each under 90 seconds and invite interviewer questions. (People will remember your anecdotal stories more than a litany of duties and responsibilities).
7. Do not rush. Stop and wait to see if there are questions after your response.
8. Choose your words carefully. Mark Twain once said, "The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is like the difference between lightening and lightening bug."

I would also suggest,

9. "Informational interviews" with knowledgeable and/or influential people with the specific intention of gaining job information. Informational interviews are also great low-risk practice grounds for developing your communication sense.
10. Seek "referrals" which results in less stressful interviews for all parties. When you are referred you enter the interview "pre-sold" to some degree and thus less burdened.
11. Target "spot opportunities" that are resultant of new activities in the business community: Plant openings; new business developments, diversification or product introductions; mergers, acquisitions, divestitures; IPO's, LBO's, etc. These can result in other networking opportunities or leads to jobs that you can get to before of the crowd; and too, result in a more comfortable meeting.

Hope this helps!

YT,

Rob Taub
of ResumePro PLUS & the Job Search Corner:
"JobSearchingwithRob" http://bit.ly/18wCkO

A difficult situation for sure, however there are two things you can do:

1. Realize and believe that you can get up tomorrow morning and do better. Sure it won't be easy however you can reinvent yourself if you have the emtional intelligence (which can be learned) to do so.

2. Read this book that will explain how your brain is wired and how you can rewire it: "The BRAIN That Changes ITSELF by Norman Doidge, M.D. - Penguin.

Now as I said it won't be easy and will take some effort however the rewards will be great if you are serious and put in the hard yards. Better than sitting around feeling sorry and depressed. By the way don't be too hard on yourself, we are all victims of our past and the great thing is... we can change our future!

Ric-orglearn.org