Dear Experts,
I was recently laid-off after a successful run at a company for 10 years…or so I thought. Looking back, there were times where people told me my style of communication was difficult. I always brushed it off because it seemed to come from people who weren’t very successful or good at their jobs. A couple of times, managers mentioned my communication style in performance reviews and asked for me to try to be more understanding and patient, but then it never came up again, especially when I killed it for them that year.
However, now that I’m out looking for a job, I’m wondering if this is something I should have paid more attention to. I’ve interviewed at several places and not gotten a single job. When I called one place, they told me none of my references called them back so they gave it to another person. Then, a friend of mine got me an interview at her firm, so when I didn’t get that job, I pressed her to tell me why I wasn’t chosen. She struggled and finally said it was my personality. The manager felt I was too aggressive and would be difficult to control. I was really surprised.
Now, I’m wondering what I should do. Is this the kind of thing I can fix, or is it too late? I’m just not sure what to think.
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Here is how our T.A.P. experts answered this question:
Q#287 NEVER too late to change. You’ve been told what you need to do, repeatedly. Do it. Growing is good. (@dawnbugni)
Q#287 You can’t change the past, but you can improve the future. Work on the areas of your comm style that cause problems. (@gradversity)
Q#287 Personality Ruining Career? Dont ‘curb UR enthusiasm’, MANAGE IT! 10 plus 1 tips on how… http://bit.ly/oZiw1 (@RTResumePro)
Q#287 Ask 4 examples 2 learn what they mean or find position (sales is good 4 ex) n company that appreciates ur style. (@kgrantcareers)
Q#287 Pay attention; very few pple ever told truth.While hard 2 hear, u have gr8 oppty u have 2 grow! [1/2] (@juliaerickson)
Q#287 Lost of books, online resources 2 learn effecive ways 2 communicate; practice w/friend or coach. [2/2] (@juliaerickson)
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5 Comments
There's nothing wrong with being aggressive, and some firms seek that out. You think that Wall Street bankers care about what people say about them? I'm sure they put your assertiveness to shame. However that assertiveness would not work in a hospital environment. So — tailor your behavior to your job. Or change jobs to match your natural behavior, and you may shine even more!
There's nothing wrong with being aggressive, and some firms seek that out. You think that Wall Street bankers care about what people say about them? I'm sure they put your assertiveness to shame. However that assertiveness would not work in a hospital environment. So — tailor your behavior to your job. Or change jobs to match your natural behavior, and you may shine even more!
There's nothing wrong with being aggressive, and some firms seek that out. You think that Wall Street bankers care about what people say about them? I'm sure they put your assertiveness to shame. However that assertiveness would not work in a hospital environment. So — tailor your behavior to your job. Or change jobs to match your natural behavior, and you may shine even more!
It sounds as though your enthusiasm and focus on being the best you can be, either in an interview or one the job may be working against you. I am not suggesting you completely �curb your enthusiasm� during an interview or on the job but rather that you work on developing good communication sense.
High Self-expectation + Tenacity ≠ Arrogance. On the other hand, �high self-expectation + tenacity� minus a well-developed �communication sense� might.
Communication �skills� and communication �sense� are not one in the same. Good communication skills is the foundation, underpinnings, for developing communication sense, just like knowing the functions of the pieces on the Chess board is ultimately necessary for developing strategy. Pieces don�t win the match, strategy does; and perhaps that's all you need – a better strategy for “Communication Sense”.
Here are some tips to help develop sound “communication sense”.
1. Truism: You create a more meaningful connection by becoming interested in others than by first trying to interest others in you.
2. Don�t oversell yourself: Talking to much is perceived as over-selling. Focus and listen and show the interviewer that h/she matters.
3. �Two ears, one mouth blah, blah, blah��
4. Don�t bury your listener with incidentals and unnecessary details of a situation. When showcasing your value if it is not relevant to a result, drop it!
5. Use simple language when talking with others. Don�t make your listeners plow through jargon. If they recognize it they�ll be turned-off; if they don�t they�ll take out a book and read.
6. Use brief anecdotes to communicate your value and strengths; keep each under 90 seconds and invite interviewer questions. (People will remember your anecdotal stories more than a litany of duties and responsibilities).
7. Don�t rush. Stop and wait to see if there are questions after your response.
8. Choose your words carefully. Mark Twain once said, �The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is like the difference between lightening and lightening bug.�
I would also suggest,
9. “Informational interviews” with knowledgeable and/or influential people with the specific intention of gaining job information. Informational interviews are also great low-risk practice grounds for developing your communication sense.
10. Seek �referrals� which results in less stressful interviews for all parties. When you are referred you enter the interview �pre-sold� to some degree and thus less burdened.
11. Target “spot opportunities” that are resultant of new activities in the business community: Plant openings; new business developments, diversification or product introductions; mergers, acquisitions, divestitures; IPO�s, LBO�s, etc. These can result in other networking opportunities or leads to jobs that you can get to before of the crowd; and too, result in a more comfortable meeting.
Hope this helps!
YT,
Rob Taub
of R�m�o PLUS & the Job Search Corner:
“JobSearchingwithRob” http://bit.ly/18wCkO
A difficult situation for sure, however there are two things you can do:
1. Realize and believe that you can get up tomorrow morning and do better. Sure it won't be easy however you can reinvent yourself if you have the emtional intelligence (which can be learned) to do so.
2. Read this book that will explain how your brain is wired and how you can rewire it: “The BRAIN That Changes ITSELF by Norman Doidge, M.D. – Penguin.
Now as I said it won't be easy and will take some effort however the rewards will be great if you are serious and put in the hard yards. Better than sitting around feeling sorry and depressed. By the way don't be too hard on yourself, we are all victims of our past and the great thing is… we can change our future!
Ric-orglearn.org