Dear Experts,
I went in for an interview and knew right away I could not see my self working with the person interviewing me. Unfortunately, I quickly determined this person would be my boss if I was offered the job!
My question: Would you accept the position anyway because of the economy? Especially if you are not sure there is going to be another offer in the near future.
Got a career question you’d like answered? Send it to twitter@careerealism.com along with your Twitter account name (you must use Twitter for us to post your question).
Here is how our T.A.P. experts answered this question:
Q#291 I would accept. I’ve had bosses start out OK, then turn into jerks. Maybe your first imp is inaccurate? (@teenarose)
Q#291 If offered job, ask ?s to ferret out working relationship w/boss. In single interview, may b jumping 2 conclusions. (@ValueIntoWords)
Q#291 I would take it. Experience is still better than job hunting. You can always leave after if you need to… (@gradversity)
Q#291 Can C part of ur job as 2 get along w/challenging pple; focus on work not personalities; gr8 oppty 4 U. (@juliaerickson)
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4 Comments
As I said in my tweet, you can see this as an opportunity to learn one of the most challenging skills in work: to get along with people you don't necessarily like, to focus on work instead of personalities, and to adapt to challenging circumstances. Most of us have to work with people we don't love or even like very much.
For me, the goal was to figure out how to work well enough with them to get the job done. One strategy I used was looking for at least one positive thing about the person. Another was to “catch them doing something right” at least once a day. A third was to send them love and positive thoughts. Amazingly, most of these people stopped annoying me within a week.
Sometimes people changed their behavior because nice behavior tends to be responded to with nice behavior. After all, “You catch more flies with honey.” And mostly, I got into a new habit of focusing on their positive attributes rather than on how their less enjoyable aspects. I'm also reminded that “where my attention goes, energy flows.” That means that if I focus my attention on something, then that's all I see.
If all I remembered was that Nora kept repeating her point and not listening to anyone else until she wears them down, that's all I saw and heard. And it was really annoying! I had to work to remember that Nora was a darn good manager with amazing integrity, and usually her points of view are valuable and correct. That put her annoying tenacity in perspective. It didn't make it go away, it simply minimized it enough that I could continue to work with her.
Would I CHOOSE to work for her? Not if I could help it. In my humble opinion, this is not a “right fit” job for you because your working relationship with you boss is so critical to your job happiness. And if you don't like your boss, my bet is your boss won't really like you. This sounds like it would be a termination waiting to happen.
On that note, my hunch is that your potential boss sensed your dislike or some potential conflict, unless you are an expert at hiding your feelings. Because of that, chances are that you won't be offered the job anyway.
That said, if you need the job and are offered it, it's OK to take it. I'd continue my job search, however, because there's a better than even chance you'll be so unhappy you'll want to leave soon.
Good luck in your search.
As I said in my tweet, you can see this as an opportunity to learn one of the most challenging skills in work: to get along with people you don't necessarily like, to focus on work instead of personalities, and to adapt to challenging circumstances. Most of us have to work with people we don't love or even like very much.
For me, the goal was to figure out how to work well enough with them to get the job done. One strategy I used was looking for at least one positive thing about the person. Another was to “catch them doing something right” at least once a day. A third was to send them love and positive thoughts. Amazingly, most of these people stopped annoying me within a week.
Sometimes people changed their behavior because nice behavior tends to be responded to with nice behavior. After all, “You catch more flies with honey.” And mostly, I got into a new habit of focusing on their positive attributes rather than on how their less enjoyable aspects. I'm also reminded that “where my attention goes, energy flows.” That means that if I focus my attention on something, then that's all I see.
If all I remembered was that Nora kept repeating her point and not listening to anyone else until she wears them down, that's all I saw and heard. And it was really annoying! I had to work to remember that Nora was a darn good manager with amazing integrity, and usually her points of view are valuable and correct. That put her annoying tenacity in perspective. It didn't make it go away, it simply minimized it enough that I could continue to work with her.
Would I CHOOSE to work for her? Not if I could help it. In my humble opinion, this is not a “right fit” job for you because your working relationship with you boss is so critical to your job happiness. And if you don't like your boss, my bet is your boss won't really like you. This sounds like it would be a termination waiting to happen.
On that note, my hunch is that your potential boss sensed your dislike or some potential conflict, unless you are an expert at hiding your feelings. Because of that, chances are that you won't be offered the job anyway.
That said, if you need the job and are offered it, it's OK to take it. I'd continue my job search, however, because there's a better than even chance you'll be so unhappy you'll want to leave soon.
Good luck in your search.
Hopefully the woman will be nice and give you an OK referral. However, the chances are that the referral will be lukewarm at best. So, if I were you, I’d keep looking.
Another way to look at this is whether you think you really would be happy working for someone who is close to anyone you don’t get along with. I’m not saying we can’t and don’t learn to get along with anyone. And if you were to get the job, I’d definitely advise you to keep your mouth shut about the woman in question and work to get along with your boss.
I have found, however, that I get a lot of information early on in the search and interview process. Knowing that someone I don’t like is friends with my potential boss would constitute a red flag for me, a warning that I might dislike working for the new boss. While that may be character-building, it generally does not bode well for a lengthy tenure at any job. This is another reason for you to keep looking.
It’s hard to say that right now, in this economy. Like my clients, you really want a job. Are you willing to go to any lengths to get one? Including being humble?
One strategy I suggest is somehow reaching the woman in question and telling her that you know she is friends with the potential boss and you would be forever in her debt if she were to give you a good reference. You might say something like “I know we’ve had our differences in the past, and I’ve come to understand my part in it, that I was [fill in the blank with some shortcoming] and have learned a lot.” Owning up to your own responsibility not only demonstrates that you’ve grown, it actually means that you are not the same person you were. No matter what she did, you did have a role in the bad relationship, and you can own that. That alone may help the woman in question tell her friend that you would be a good risk. If not hing else, you will have learned something about yourself.
Mind, you have to be sincere about taking responsibility and not simply paying it lip service. People can smell BS and that will simply reinforce her bad opinion of you.
Good luck!
As I said in my tweet, you can see this as an opportunity to learn one of the most challenging skills in work: to get along with people you don't necessarily like, to focus on work instead of personalities, and to adapt to challenging circumstances. Most of us have to work with people we don't love or even like very much.
For me, the goal was to figure out how to work well enough with them to get the job done. One strategy I used was looking for at least one positive thing about the person. Another was to “catch them doing something right” at least once a day. A third was to send them love and positive thoughts. Amazingly, most of these people stopped annoying me within a week.
Sometimes people changed their behavior because nice behavior tends to be responded to with nice behavior. After all, “You catch more flies with honey.” And mostly, I got into a new habit of focusing on their positive attributes rather than on how their less enjoyable aspects. I'm also reminded that “where my attention goes, energy flows.” That means that if I focus my attention on something, then that's all I see.
If all I remembered was that Nora kept repeating her point and not listening to anyone else until she wears them down, that's all I saw and heard. And it was really annoying! I had to work to remember that Nora was a darn good manager with amazing integrity, and usually her points of view are valuable and correct. That put her annoying tenacity in perspective. It didn't make it go away, it simply minimized it enough that I could continue to work with her.
Would I CHOOSE to work for her? Not if I could help it. In my humble opinion, this is not a “right fit” job for you because your working relationship with you boss is so critical to your job happiness. And if you don't like your boss, my bet is your boss won't really like you. This sounds like it would be a termination waiting to happen.
On that note, my hunch is that your potential boss sensed your dislike or some potential conflict, unless you are an expert at hiding your feelings. Because of that, chances are that you won't be offered the job anyway.
That said, if you need the job and are offered it, it's OK to take it. I'd continue my job search, however, because there's a better than even chance you'll be so unhappy you'll want to leave soon.
Good luck in your search.