Dear Experts,
I’ve been with my company for a little over a year. I do a good job, there have been no complaints. I just got my review and I was told that I should work on my team building skills. I was really mad. I think I do a great job of working with my peers. The only thing I can think of is that the rest of them like to go out after work and have drinks. I don’t drink so I don’t go. They definitely seem more like friends in the office as a result, but that shouldn’t be my responsibility, should it? I don’t get paid to go out and socialize with them, and yet, I think I’m getting penalized because of it.
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Here is how our T.A.P. experts answered this question:
Q#316 I don’t drink either. However, sometimes I have to force myself to socialize, even if I’m not drinking and others are. (@gradversity)
Q#316 Get spec exmples of what teamwork lks like; u can go out & drink seltzer (as I do), ask folks 2 lunch. (@juliaerickson)
Q#316 Teambuilding means more than going out w co-workers 4 drinks. Ask boss 4 specific exmp where u could improve. (@kgrantcareers)
Q#316 Nobody said you had to go drinking. And I don’t drink, but I make up for it with awesomeness at work. (@beneubanks)
Q#316 Don’t have to drink. Take interest in co-worker’s hobbies/interests as a way to get to know them better. (@jtodonnell)
Q#316 If the culture supports mingling then go. U don’t have 2 drink 2 socialize after hrs. Get a club soda & engage away. (@DebraWheatman)
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6 Comments
Instead of immediately going on the defensive, try to think of new ways to interact with your co-workers to build rapport. Find out what you have in common with them, outside of work, and if nothing…consider just going to lunch with them and finding out more about them. If there are any company sponsored events, get involved. Getting mad because of something in a review isn't the best way to show you are a team player, but taking that review and making an effort in the areas that were highlighted will show you have an interest in bringing value to your company. If you still are unable to find ways to get involved, talk to your manager and see what they would suggest. If it ONLY revolves around them wanting you to go bar hopping, your concern is valid and I would try to open up other options that do not involve drinking. Show some creativity and your interest in participating.
I don't have advice or suggestions, only my opinion and experience.
I often don't attempt after-work socials – sometimes it caused a problem, sometimes it did not.
What I found irritating – those who criticized my lack of participation did not care why – 90% of the time, non-work socializing was scheduled when I was going out of town (cancel flight and hotel for someone's weekend bar-b-que? I don't think so), I had a class, and the last but certainly not the least – in recovery from surgery.
The remaining 10% of the time – I wasn't interested. I'm there to do a job. They're there to do a job. From my good old days, I often miss working with Viet Nam veterans – it wasn't social events that mattered, it was getting the job done. Period.
Logical or illogical, it is helpful when other(s) cannot attend – such as having to pick up their child from daycare. For whatever reason, it's more acceptable to the group when more than one person is different.
Instead of immediately going on the defensive, try to think of new ways to interact with your co-workers to build rapport. Find out what you have in common with them, outside of work, and if nothing…consider just going to lunch with them and finding out more about them. If there are any company sponsored events, get involved. Getting mad because of something in a review isn't the best way to show you are a team player, but taking that review and making an effort in the areas that were highlighted will show you have an interest in bringing value to your company. If you still are unable to find ways to get involved, talk to your manager and see what they would suggest. If it ONLY revolves around them wanting you to go bar hopping, your concern is valid and I would try to open up other options that do not involve drinking. Show some creativity and your interest in participating.
I don't have advice or suggestions, only my opinion and experience.
I often don't attempt after-work socials – sometimes it caused a problem, sometimes it did not.
What I found irritating – those who criticized my lack of participation did not care why – 90% of the time, non-work socializing was scheduled when I was going out of town (cancel flight and hotel for someone's weekend bar-b-que? I don't think so), I had a class, and the last but certainly not the least – in recovery from surgery.
The remaining 10% of the time – I wasn't interested. I'm there to do a job. They're there to do a job. From my good old days, I often miss working with Viet Nam veterans – it wasn't social events that mattered, it was getting the job done. Period.
Logical or illogical, it is helpful when other(s) cannot attend – such as having to pick up their child from daycare. For whatever reason, it's more acceptable to the group when more than one person is different.
Instead of immediately going on the defensive, try to think of new ways to interact with your co-workers to build rapport. Find out what you have in common with them, outside of work, and if nothing…consider just going to lunch with them and finding out more about them. If there are any company sponsored events, get involved. Getting mad because of something in a review isn't the best way to show you are a team player, but taking that review and making an effort in the areas that were highlighted will show you have an interest in bringing value to your company. If you still are unable to find ways to get involved, talk to your manager and see what they would suggest. If it ONLY revolves around them wanting you to go bar hopping, your concern is valid and I would try to open up other options that do not involve drinking. Show some creativity and your interest in participating.
I don't have advice or suggestions, only my opinion and experience.
I often don't attempt after-work socials – sometimes it caused a problem, sometimes it did not.
What I found irritating – those who criticized my lack of participation did not care why – 90% of the time, non-work socializing was scheduled when I was going out of town (cancel flight and hotel for someone's weekend bar-b-que? I don't think so), I had a class, and the last but certainly not the least – in recovery from surgery.
The remaining 10% of the time – I wasn't interested. I'm there to do a job. They're there to do a job. From my good old days, I often miss working with Viet Nam veterans – it wasn't social events that mattered, it was getting the job done. Period.
Logical or illogical, it is helpful when other(s) cannot attend – such as having to pick up their child from daycare. For whatever reason, it's more acceptable to the group when more than one person is different.