Workplace Faux Pas: Asking if Someone is Pregnant

• 

Dear J.T. & Dale: I recently started a new job and made a huge faux pas. I was introduced to an employee from another department at a company luncheon. She was talking about baby toys when I walked up, and she looked quite pregnant. I said, “When are you due?” Well, turns out she was talking about a baby shower she had just hosted, and she isn’t pregnant. Needless to say, I was mortified. Now she won’t even look at me. Should I write a card? Pull her aside and apologize? Just hope it blows over? - Chris

J.T.: Oh dear. I don’t think a card is the answer, nor is ignoring the situation. I think you need to accept responsibility for what you did and apologize.

DALE: You’ll have a solid excuse to hide behind, saying that you came in when she was talking about a baby shower and you thought it was for her. Hey, it happens. Give her a way to stop being offended, and I bet she’ll take it.

J.T.: To do that, invite her to get coffee. Focus the time you spend together on finding points of commonality. It will be hard for her to stay angry at you if you are both, say, huge dog lovers. The key is to bond through that shared interest so you can put that first awkward moment behind you both.

Feel free to send questions to J.T. and Dale via e-mail at advice@jtanddale.com or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th Street, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10019.

© 2012 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Workplace pregnant image from Bigstock

• 

Related Posts

• 

  Poll: When Do You Take Your Vacation?
  Poll: When Do You Take Your Vacation?
• 

  10 Ways To Make Sure You Won’t Get The Job
  10 Ways To Make Sure You Won’t Get The Job
• 

  How To Use Word Of Mouth To Boost Your Job Search
  How To Use Word Of Mouth To Boost Your Job Search
• 

  Top 5 Barriers To Job Or Contact Referrals In A Job Search
  Top 5 Barriers To Job Or Contact Referrals In A Job Search

3 Comments

1. 

   DE

   August 6, 2012 at 9:04 AM

   I agree that the OP needs to apologize, but I don’t think he should mention that he thought she was pregnant because she was talking about a baby shower. It’s likely the co-worker has been asked before. He needs to just apologize for the gaffe and that’s it. Anything else will sound insincere or like he’s making excuses. As someone who is overweight, I’ve been asked MANY times if I am pregnant and it’s completely humiliating every time. You would be surprised, or maybe not, by how many people don’t even acknowledge that they’ve insulted me. They just say “oh” and walk away.

   Reply
2. 

   Bruce Hurwitz

   August 4, 2012 at 8:58 AM

   Whenever I speak on interviewing I use one example of a time you can never repair the damage of a misstatement. You guessed it. This woman will always hold a grudge against you.

   The one chance you might have is, in front of witnesses, when she ignores you or walks away say, “Mary. Come on. It was a baby shower. I made an honest mistake. I’m sorry if I offended you but maybe this is a reason why mixing personal and professional is always bad. Can’t we all just get along?”

   At least then, if she continues to hold a grudge others will say that you did apologize and give you an extra mark for a sense of humor.

   And never, under any circumstances, invite a colleague of the opposite gender – especially one who is angry with you – out for a cup of coffee or anything else. You’ll be opening yourself up to a harassment complaint. “First he tells me I’m fat in front of everyone and now he wants to date me?!?!”

   Reply
   • 

     DE

     August 6, 2012 at 9:11 AM

     “The one chance you might have is, in front of witnesses, when she ignores you or walks away say, ‘Mary. Come on. It was a baby shower. I made an honest mistake. I’m sorry if I offended you but maybe this is a reason why mixing personal and professional is always bad. Can’t we all just get along?’ ”

     This is what OP shouldn’t do. Not only does it minimize the woman’s hurt feelings and make it sound as though she has no right to feel insulted, it publicly calls attention to her, which will likely embarass her even more. OP should just make a sincere apology with no excuses. If the co-worker forgives him, fine. If not, OP just has to accept that. And hopefully he has learned his lesson.

     Reply